Becoming Human #1

When I saw my man playing away on his drum
Something clicked in my brain and I became less dumb
I’m working for bread crumbs
Pretending there’s a meaning
But my employment is just a bucket, I’m desperately beating
And one day, I’ll be old and retired
Looking at my life like what a waste of good fire
All because school never taught me how to be inspired
And the job concerned applying to myself just wouldn’t hire
— Eyedea and Abilities

This is the question that I find myself asking often. So I decided to start blogging about my pursuit of not just the exciting, but the things that become cornerstones of your life. I mean, why should they be so few and far between? When I was married to my previous wife, I simply would go to work, come home, and watch tv. It was simple, yet empty. With this lack of satisfaction clawing at my mind while being tranquilized by the trivial moments of my existence.

I began feeling hopeless without any money to go out and purchase expensive toys or hobbies. I would turn to friends and they all seemed to live like this for the most part. I was incredulous, but it didn’t stop there. As the months progressed, I started becoming intensely weighed down by this sense of longing. After my wife and I went through our divorce, I couldn’t bear it anymore. So I ruthlessly pursued things that would truly satisfy me. I started consistently performing poetry at open mics instead of doing it for awhile and then dropping off. If I didn’t have gas money, I’d eat less. If I didn’t have time, I’d sleep less. If I sucked, I’d write more. I had this idea that I will forever be alienated socially and that is when my world began listing. I didn’t stop with poetry though. I’d find random groups on facebook, meetup, nearify, or just drop into an event during my commute to work.

It was awkward at first, but I kind of became this professional amateur who’d adapted and became comfortable in what began as the most uncomfortable situations that I’ve ever been in. I’m always presented this question, why do I choose to be alive? It’s not in the sense of ending my life, but its pondering what kind of purpose do I want to have? Today, we are very fortunate because we can craft any purpose that we wish, without limitation. With that in mind, I realized that I was interested in strange concepts like interviewing the homeless. Within all the blog posts following this one, I’ll talk about my current experiences in the pursuit of the exciting, uncomfortable, and unimaginable moments. I’ll take you through all the tools I’ll be using, the awkard moments, and epiphanies.

 

Where the Fuck Do You Want to Go?

Where the Fuck Do You Want to Go?